News With a Twist
It’s Not Me, It’s the Booze!
In an interview with Aussie television journalist Ray Martin, Lily Allen explained that the reason people think that she has a “drink problem” is because she is a complete lightweight. “You always see pictures of me with my eyes rolling to the back of my head cause I can’t take my booze.” We suggest a rum chocolate-based training plan.
Pirates Are Sexier than Wolverines
For the second time, Johnny Depp has been named the “Sexiest Man Alive” by People magazine (he also received this “honour” in 2003). Last year’s winner was Aussie Hugh Jackman… Depp’s victory goes to prove that women prefer a pirate with eyeliner than a mutant with adamantium claws that could, potentially, cause an accident in the bedroom if the he gets too excited.
Rihanna’s New Postal Code: 90210
Word on the street says that hottie Rihanna has finally gotten over Chris “I-Brought-My-Mummy-to-the-Interview” Brown and is dating Tristan Wilds, star of the spin-off series 90210. Wilds seems like a nice enough guy… But, honestly, even Papi, the star of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, would’ve been an improvement over Brown!
Doctor Feel-Not-So-Good
Janet Jackson told ABC in her first TV interview since her brother’s death that she blames Michael’s personal doctor, Dr. Conrad Robert Murray, for his death. "He was the one that was administering. I think he is responsible," Janet said. In August, a Los Angeles County coroner ruled Michael’s death a homicide. It seems like it was the Doctor, in the Bedroom with “Milk”.